Is there help for the Codependent?
Many people go through life struggling with a Codependent Personality from their childhood. That’s why I’ve spent the last 45 years perfecting methods that help people to receive inner healing so they can break out of dysfunctional patterns and enjoy life again.
- George Hartwell, M.Sc. Registered Psychotherapist. (416) 939-0544
Self-Help for the Codependent.
I can make a variety of self-help suggestions for the Codependent. There is a caveat however. In my experience, in psychological research, in psychotherapy our efforts to achieve permanent change often come to nothing. We may have success for a few weeks or a few months but rarely longer than that.
What happens is that old patterns come back. We revert to our old behaviour. Haven’t you found it so?
Here are some self-help suggestions:- Write in a journal daily to record your thoughts and feelings of the day.
- Make it a practice to say ‘Thank you.” When given a compliment do not discount it.
- Write an essay on how I have neglected my own needs.
- Write an essay about how neglecting your needs has hindered your life.
- God loves a cheerful giver. Make not if some resentment creeps in then you are asked to do something for someone else.
- Make a list of activities that provide refreshment and recreation for you. Plan to do a small thing for yourself every day and a big thing for yourself every week.
- Make note of times at work and at home when your have not understood the boundaries and have taken of responsibilities that belong to someone else. Have you alienated people by doing that?
Why do old patterns come back?
Every attitude, behaviour or personality pattern that was developed in childhood is firmly planted in our memories, core beliefs and assumptions. It is highly unlikely that you will succeed in breaking free on your own without the support and interventions of what I call a 'life transformation' therapist or psychotherapist.
Of course the memories, core beliefs and assumptions formed in childhood have long since become unconscious. But they are still active. They are the foundation of our personality patterns.
Because they are unconscious we are not able to change them. Our memories, core beliefs and assumptions are only open to change when they are conscious. When they are conscious they only change when specific conditions are met. Only in the last 15 years have we known from the research what those conditions are.
Can codependency by Healed?
Yes, there is healing for the codependent.
Codependency is the tendency to help, support and rescue people in a way that becomes dysfunctional. You can end up in a pattern of love relationships with broken people. There is much positive about you as the person who is codependent ( Rescuer) to others, however it takes a toll on you. It can be a precursor to depression, Bipolar patterns, strokes and anxiety.
Codependency is a personality pattern that developed in childhood and stays behind in adulthood. It stays because it is firmly planted upon the memories, core beliefs and assumptions formed in the events of childhood. Usually that means that mother or father were not fully consistently functioning as the adults in the family. There can be many reasons for that.
Healing involves making these memories, core beliefs and assumptions conscious. A psychotherapist up to date on memory reconsolidation will set up the specific conditions that lead to permanent change in this emotional learning.
People often assume that therapy takes years to produce results. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You need to know that your therapist is primarily focused on helping you resolve issues and experience real transformation in the shortest possible time.
My methods allow us to get to the heart of healing as quickly as possible. Many of my clients have been surprised at how few sessions are required to experience resolution and inner healing.
My skills have been developed over the last four decades to help people experience real life transformation as quickly as possible. I am familiar with the emerging knowledge in psychology, psychotherapy and prayer therapy that defines the conditions for lasting change.
The important thing is to experience true inner healing. Your investment is not only in yourself but also in your children, your marriage, your family, your closest relationships, and your own peace of mind.
I’m ready to start this process whenever you are. E-mail me or give me a call. (416) 939-0544. ghartwell at rogers.com.
Is there help for the Codependent?
Many people go through life struggling with a Codependent Personality from their childhood. That’s why I’ve spent the last 45 years perfecting methods that help people to receive inner healing so they can break out of dysfunctional patterns and enjoy life again.
- George Hartwell, M.Sc. Registered Psychotherapist. (416) 939-0544
Self-Help for the Codependent.
I can make a variety of self-help suggestions for the Codependent. There is a caveat however. In my experience, in psychological research, in psychotherapy our efforts to achieve permanent change often come to nothing. We may have success for a few weeks or a few months but rarely longer than that.
What happens is that old patterns come back. We revert to our old behaviour. Haven’t you found it so?
Here are some self-help suggestions:
- Write in a journal daily to record your thoughts and feelings of the day.
- Make it a practice to say ‘Thank you.” When given a compliment do not discount it.
- Write an essay on how I have neglected my own needs.
- Write an essay about how neglecting your needs has hindered your life.
- God loves a cheerful giver. Make not if some resentment creeps in then you are asked to do something for someone else.
- Make a list of activities that provide refreshment and recreation for you. Plan to do a small thing for yourself every day and a big thing for yourself every week.
- Make note of times at work and at home when your have not understood the boundaries and have taken of responsibilities that belong to someone else. Have you alienated people by doing that?
Why do old patterns come back?
Every attitude, behaviour or personality pattern that was developed in childhood is firmly planted in our memories, core beliefs and assumptions. It is highly unlikely that you will succeed in breaking free on your own without the support and interventions of what I call a 'life transformation' therapist or psychotherapist.
Of course the memories, core beliefs and assumptions formed in childhood have long since become unconscious. But they are still active. They are the foundation of our personality patterns.
Because they are unconscious we are not able to change them. Our memories, core beliefs and assumptions are only open to change when they are conscious. When they are conscious they only change when specific conditions are met. Only in the last 15 years have we known from the research what those conditions are.
Can codependency by Healed?
Yes, there is healing for the codependent.
Codependency is the tendency to help, support and rescue people in a way that becomes dysfunctional. You can end up in a pattern of love relationships with broken people. There is much positive about you as the person who is codependent ( Rescuer) to others, however it takes a toll on you. It can be a precursor to depression, Bipolar patterns, strokes and anxiety.
Codependency is a personality pattern that developed in childhood and stays behind in adulthood. It stays because it is firmly planted upon the memories, core beliefs and assumptions formed in the events of childhood. Usually that means that mother or father were not fully consistently functioning as the adults in the family. There can be many reasons for that.
Healing involves making these memories, core beliefs and assumptions conscious. A psychotherapist up to date on memory reconsolidation will set up the specific conditions that lead to permanent change in this emotional learning.
People often assume that therapy takes years to produce results. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You need to know that your therapist is primarily focused on helping you resolve issues and experience real transformation in the shortest possible time.
My methods allow us to get to the heart of healing as quickly as possible. Many of my clients have been surprised at how few sessions are required to experience resolution and inner healing.
My skills have been developed over the last four decades to help people experience real life transformation as quickly as possible. I am familiar with the emerging knowledge in psychology, psychotherapy and prayer therapy that defines the conditions for lasting change.
The important thing is to experience true inner healing. Your investment is not only in yourself but also in your children, your marriage, your family, your closest relationships, and your own peace of mind.
I’m ready to start this process whenever you are. E-mail me or give me a call. (416) 939-0544. ghartwell at rogers.com.
About codependency, Heal Codependency, Codependency Therapist
Why is it so hard to Heal Codependency?
Why is it so hard to cure codependency issues?
Do you believe that our lives get set on a particular path in childhood? I do.
Do you believe that some drive or motivation arising in childhood can be so strong that it remains the key driving force in a person’s life? I do.
Do you think a personality pattern can be established in childhood that has the momentum to continue for half a life-time? I do.
Now codependency fits right into the above patterns. It is part of a path that is set in childhood. It reflects a motivation or drive established in childhood. In fact it is one aspect of a personality pattern that has been established in childhood.
The fact that codependency is a reflection of a fixed personality pattern provides a clue as to why is is so hard to change. People live within the perceptions, beliefs and emotion of their personality. It is not so easy to ‘look in a mirror’ and be different.
As a psychotherapist I have made it part of my mission in life to discern and understand personality patterns. It is also part of my mission to guide people in recognizing and transforming their personality pattern.
Psychotherapy with those stated objectives cannot be undertaken by anyone. It is a job for a highly skilled professional. The understanding of how to transition out of personality patterns is not widespread even among professional counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists.
So do not be surprised that it is hard to cure on one’s own and may even take some time working with a professional. A 12 Step Group can help be raising awareness and providing support and accountability. These are big steps in the direction of a cure.
Do you believe that our lives get set on a particular path in childhood? I do.
Do you believe that some drive or motivation arising in childhood can be so strong that it remains the key driving force in a person’s life? I do.
Do you think a personality pattern can be established in childhood that has the momentum to continue for half a life-time? I do.
Now codependency fits right into the above patterns. It is part of a path that is set in childhood. It reflects a motivation or drive established in childhood. In fact it is one aspect of a personality pattern that has been established in childhood.
The fact that codependency is a reflection of a fixed personality pattern provides a clue as to why is is so hard to change. People live within the perceptions, beliefs and emotion of their personality. It is not so easy to ‘look in a mirror’ and be different.
As a psychotherapist I have made it part of my mission in life to discern and understand personality patterns. It is also part of my mission to guide people in recognizing and transforming their personality pattern.
Psychotherapy with those stated objectives cannot be undertaken by anyone. It is a job for a highly skilled professional. The understanding of how to transition out of personality patterns is not widespread even among professional counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists.
So do not be surprised that it is hard to cure on one’s own and may even take some time working with a professional. A 12 Step Group can help be raising awareness and providing support and accountability. These are big steps in the direction of a cure.
Can Codependency be healed?
Can codependency by Healed?
Of course codependency can be healed. And, it is not a serous pathology, it is a tendency to help, support and rescue people in a way that becomes dysfunctional. There is much positive about the person who is codependent (A Rescuer) to others.
Codependency is an example of a personality pattern that was developed in childhood. With psychotherapy you can shake it and assert yourself as a more balanced and authentic person. It is not an addiction. It is not a disease. It does not cause any immediate herm to yourself or others.
The ‘Codependent’ is a supportive person in a relationship with an addict. The addict is the dependent - dependent on drugs or alcohol. The codependent is the friend, partner or spouse of the addict. that is all there is to it. There is, of course, a danger in established patterns that they perpetuate themselves. Without intending to the Codependent may perpetuate the alcoholic in their addiction. When this happens the codependent is call an Enabler.
So here is a personality pattern that is somewhat dysfunctional and got set up in early childhood. So. what is new? Most of us start life in some personality pattern or another. For each of us there will be new levels of freedom, authenticity and life satisfaction is growing out of this patterns.
There are aspects of the pattern that you can begin to shift yourself. Do more self care. Get help setting better boundaries. Learning to deal with the critical inner parent voice in your head.
Al-anon should be a great place to get insight and pointers about the pattern. It is there to help you change. follow the 10 step program. It is about change and a great program.
However these personality patterns are firmly planted in our memories, core beliefs and assumptions. It is highly unlikely that you will succeed in breaking free on your own without the support and interventions of what I call a 'life transformation' therapist or psychotherapist.
Like all other life patterns that are rooted in childhood memories, Self-change is frustratingly ineffective. I am a professional registered Psychotherapist equipped with several methodologies that do work to produce lasting change in your life patterns. For a consultation phone me: George Hartwell (416) 939-0544 (Toronto, Ontario, Canada, Eastern Standard Time zone).
Of course codependency can be healed. And, it is not a serous pathology, it is a tendency to help, support and rescue people in a way that becomes dysfunctional. There is much positive about the person who is codependent (A Rescuer) to others.
Codependency is an example of a personality pattern that was developed in childhood. With psychotherapy you can shake it and assert yourself as a more balanced and authentic person. It is not an addiction. It is not a disease. It does not cause any immediate herm to yourself or others.
The ‘Codependent’ is a supportive person in a relationship with an addict. The addict is the dependent - dependent on drugs or alcohol. The codependent is the friend, partner or spouse of the addict. that is all there is to it. There is, of course, a danger in established patterns that they perpetuate themselves. Without intending to the Codependent may perpetuate the alcoholic in their addiction. When this happens the codependent is call an Enabler.
So here is a personality pattern that is somewhat dysfunctional and got set up in early childhood. So. what is new? Most of us start life in some personality pattern or another. For each of us there will be new levels of freedom, authenticity and life satisfaction is growing out of this patterns.
There are aspects of the pattern that you can begin to shift yourself. Do more self care. Get help setting better boundaries. Learning to deal with the critical inner parent voice in your head.
Al-anon should be a great place to get insight and pointers about the pattern. It is there to help you change. follow the 10 step program. It is about change and a great program.
However these personality patterns are firmly planted in our memories, core beliefs and assumptions. It is highly unlikely that you will succeed in breaking free on your own without the support and interventions of what I call a 'life transformation' therapist or psychotherapist.
Like all other life patterns that are rooted in childhood memories, Self-change is frustratingly ineffective. I am a professional registered Psychotherapist equipped with several methodologies that do work to produce lasting change in your life patterns. For a consultation phone me: George Hartwell (416) 939-0544 (Toronto, Ontario, Canada, Eastern Standard Time zone).
Anxiety and Worry in the Super-Responsible / Codependent
I you are a codependent you may find yourself going over and over in your mind a relationship break-up. You find yourself creating anxiety by over-analyzing. You go overboard in considering every risk to the extreme. You find it easy to go negative.
The codependent, in my schema of things, is a sub-type of the Super-Responsible. Google 'super responsible' and the first reference that uses that term in my article on the Nervous Breakdown - an article that had the thesis: that a nervous breakdown is an opportunity for Positive Identity Development. A related article of mine that talks more about the Super-Responsible is here.
Here is an example. In this situation you are divorcing your narcissistic husband (or wife) and you keep going over it in your mind. This is an example of what might be causing this rumination.
1. Every Super-responsible has a lot of built in Inner Critic going on. So one explanation of what you are going through is your inner-critic in high gear in the midst of the stress and grief of the divorce.
2. The Super-Responsible always take the blame if anything goes wrong. So you are blaming yourself for the divorce.
3. Your Inner Critic is trying to decide what you did wrong and what you should have done differently. Like Hamlet, the Super-responsible feels the world is falling apart and it is your responsibility to fix it. This becomes a deeply imbedded life mission - to save people.
When a marriage breaks up it means your mission failed. That sense of failure is often overwhelming. So you could be having an overwhelming sense of failure.
How to change these patterns is another question. I am a psychotherapist so I do have a plan to tackle these issues but on your own it is difficult. You are who you are.
Perhaps I can suggest drop all judging of your rumination. In fact, set aside a half hour a day to ruminate. Write down all that is going on in your mind. Tell you mind and Inner Critic that ‘It is okay. You are just trying to do your job.’
IF you do not get professional help or a great 12 Step group, this pattern will likely persist.
If and when the pattern does start to break on its own, that will feel like a nervous breakdown. Read my article on ‘Positive Nervous Breakdown’ if that seems to be happening.
My attitude toward a ‘failed marriage’ is ‘What did I learn from that experience?’ You may have learned to recognize and avoid the next narcissist heading in your direction. You may have learned more about your own self. In my case that learning was extremely important and painful.
We get refined in these situations.
The deeper choice is to connect with and affirm the stream of life, love, health and gratitude. But with good boundaries.
Next question: Why to Codependents have Poor Boundaries?
1. What makes it so hard for co-dependents to recognize when they are being used and abused?
2. Why do co-dependents put up with stuff that most people won't tolerate?
The codependent, in my schema of things, is a sub-type of the Super-Responsible. Google 'super responsible' and the first reference that uses that term in my article on the Nervous Breakdown - an article that had the thesis: that a nervous breakdown is an opportunity for Positive Identity Development. A related article of mine that talks more about the Super-Responsible is here.
Here is an example. In this situation you are divorcing your narcissistic husband (or wife) and you keep going over it in your mind. This is an example of what might be causing this rumination.
1. Every Super-responsible has a lot of built in Inner Critic going on. So one explanation of what you are going through is your inner-critic in high gear in the midst of the stress and grief of the divorce.
2. The Super-Responsible always take the blame if anything goes wrong. So you are blaming yourself for the divorce.
3. Your Inner Critic is trying to decide what you did wrong and what you should have done differently. Like Hamlet, the Super-responsible feels the world is falling apart and it is your responsibility to fix it. This becomes a deeply imbedded life mission - to save people.
When a marriage breaks up it means your mission failed. That sense of failure is often overwhelming. So you could be having an overwhelming sense of failure.
How to change these patterns is another question. I am a psychotherapist so I do have a plan to tackle these issues but on your own it is difficult. You are who you are.
Perhaps I can suggest drop all judging of your rumination. In fact, set aside a half hour a day to ruminate. Write down all that is going on in your mind. Tell you mind and Inner Critic that ‘It is okay. You are just trying to do your job.’
IF you do not get professional help or a great 12 Step group, this pattern will likely persist.
If and when the pattern does start to break on its own, that will feel like a nervous breakdown. Read my article on ‘Positive Nervous Breakdown’ if that seems to be happening.
My attitude toward a ‘failed marriage’ is ‘What did I learn from that experience?’ You may have learned to recognize and avoid the next narcissist heading in your direction. You may have learned more about your own self. In my case that learning was extremely important and painful.
We get refined in these situations.
The deeper choice is to connect with and affirm the stream of life, love, health and gratitude. But with good boundaries.
Next question: Why to Codependents have Poor Boundaries?
1. What makes it so hard for co-dependents to recognize when they are being used and abused?
2. Why do co-dependents put up with stuff that most people won't tolerate?