Couple Bonding
by George Hartwell M.Sc, registered psychotherapist and Christian counselor
To schedule a session with George phone or text (416) 939-0544
7 Ways of Understanding Couple Bonding
1)Bonding is an underlying state of the human spirit and is not felt like a normal emotion. For example, it is not the feeling of 'falling in love.'
2) It is not as easy to access the 'feeling of being bonded' as it is to experience day to day emotions. Wanting to know if we are bonded, we ask: "Did you miss me?"
3) The Bible speaks of heart trust - Proverbs 31. Ask yourself: does my heart 'safely trust" (have full confidence) in my loved one?
4) Bonding, if present, will bring encouragement (strengthening of one's spirit). Over time there is increased confidence, health, and energy to one's life. This is seen in increased risk-taking, good health, and higher vitality. I
5) One evidence of this process of encouragement is an increasing willingness to admit to one's weaknesses. Ask yourself: "do I experience and increasing willingness to take responsibility for my faults and to ask for forgiveness?
6) When present, the characteristics of love of 1 Corinthians 13 will be increasingly present in the individuals and the relationship.
7) Bonding will cement commitment and decrease any tendency or willingness to wander away visually, mentally, or sexually (including addiction to pornography). When we are experiencing increasing levels of bonded faithful love, there is less temptation to look for greener fields. When one looks for greener fields we are primarily looking for is a healthy love in a life-giving relationship. If we have that, we are not tempted to look for it elsewhere.
- The experience of bonding can be felt. However, often it Is an underlying feeling, or state of our spirit, that we act upon without surface awareness.
1)Bonding is an underlying state of the human spirit and is not felt like a normal emotion. For example, it is not the feeling of 'falling in love.'
2) It is not as easy to access the 'feeling of being bonded' as it is to experience day to day emotions. Wanting to know if we are bonded, we ask: "Did you miss me?"
3) The Bible speaks of heart trust - Proverbs 31. Ask yourself: does my heart 'safely trust" (have full confidence) in my loved one?
4) Bonding, if present, will bring encouragement (strengthening of one's spirit). Over time there is increased confidence, health, and energy to one's life. This is seen in increased risk-taking, good health, and higher vitality. I
5) One evidence of this process of encouragement is an increasing willingness to admit to one's weaknesses. Ask yourself: "do I experience and increasing willingness to take responsibility for my faults and to ask for forgiveness?
6) When present, the characteristics of love of 1 Corinthians 13 will be increasingly present in the individuals and the relationship.
7) Bonding will cement commitment and decrease any tendency or willingness to wander away visually, mentally, or sexually (including addiction to pornography). When we are experiencing increasing levels of bonded faithful love, there is less temptation to look for greener fields. When one looks for greener fields we are primarily looking for is a healthy love in a life-giving relationship. If we have that, we are not tempted to look for it elsewhere.
Twelve ways to Strengthen Couple Bonding
Twelve ways to Strengthen your Marriage Bonding
There are many ways that a person can allow and encourage the personal connection, the bonding, and the love connection that God intends for the marriage relationship. God puts us together by providing these mechanisms. We tear our marriage apart by avoiding these mechanisms. Avoid most of them most of the time, and you will succeed in putting asunder what God has intended to be together.
There are many ways that a person can allow and encourage the personal connection, the bonding, and the love connection that God intends for the marriage relationship. God puts us together by providing these mechanisms. We tear our marriage apart by avoiding these mechanisms. Avoid most of them most of the time, and you will succeed in putting asunder what God has intended to be together.
- Make eye contact. Make eye contact when love-making. Learn to be present to the moment and this to one another.
- .Allowing togetherness - the afterglow - the calming down together - which occurs naturally after lovemaking.
- In conversation, allow topics that are personal.
- In conversation, allow some problem solving, some confronting of the things that produce negative feelings.
- Allow positive confrontation without abuse or name-calling.
- In conversation, responding to or acknowledging the other.
- Develop common recreation, sports, or other shared activities.
- Set aside time for the two of you each day and each week. Daily have time to touch base without cell-phones on. Weekly have a date night (turn off cell phones).
- Practice touching base with each other, i.e. a staying 'in touch' phone call.
- Expression of affection through physical touch.
- Communicating when in difficulty and needing support.
- Consistent faithfulness: being there without overreacting emotionally.