Couple Bonding
​by George Hartwell M.Sc, registered psychotherapist and Christian counselor
​To schedule a session with George, phone or text (416) 939-0544

Strengthening Couple Bonding: Building a Lasting ConnectionA strong bond is the foundation of a healthy and fulfilling marriage. It's the deep sense of connection, trust, and commitment that allows couples to navigate life's challenges together. While the feeling of being "in love" is often intense and noticeable, true bonding is often a quieter, underlying state of the spirit that influences our actions and choices.
Understanding Couple Bonding:
Bonding is more than just an emotion; it's a deep-seated connection that affects our overall well-being. Here are some ways to understand it:

1. A Deep Inner Connection: Bonding is an underlying state of the human spirit, not a fleeting emotion like "falling in love." It's a sense of being deeply connected to another person.
2. Subtle and Underlying: The feeling of being bonded is not always readily accessible like everyday emotions. We often assess it indirectly, asking questions like, "Did you miss me?"
3. Heart Trust: True bonding involves deep trust. As Proverbs 31 suggests, a bonded relationship is one where your heart can safely trust and have full confidence in your partner.
4. Encouragement and Strength: Bonding provides encouragement and strengthens our spirit. It fosters increased confidence, better health, and greater energy, leading to more risk-taking, improved physical well-being, and enhanced vitality.
5. Willingness to Be Vulnerable: A sign of strong bonding is an increasing willingness to admit weaknesses, take responsibility for faults, and ask for forgiveness.
6. Manifestation of Love: When bonding is present, the characteristics of love described in 1 Corinthians 13—patience, kindness, humility, etc.—become more evident in both individuals and the relationship.
7. Commitment and Fidelity: Strong bonding reinforces commitment and reduces the temptation to wander away emotionally, mentally, or sexually. When we experience deep love and connection, we are less likely to seek it elsewhere. Looking for "greener pastures" often signifies a search for the healthy love and life-giving relationship we may be lacking.

Twelve Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage Bond:
God provides ways for couples to build and strengthen their bond. Neglecting these practices can weaken or even break the connection. Here are twelve practical ways to nurture your marital bond:

1. Make Eye Contact: Consciously make eye contact, especially during intimate moments. Focus on being present with each other.
2. Embrace the Afterglow: Allow time for connection and intimacy after physical intimacy. Don't rush to separate immediately.
3. Engage in Personal Conversations: Create space for conversations that go beyond surface-level topics. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
4. Address Issues Constructively: Allow for healthy problem-solving and address issues that cause negative feelings. Practice positive confrontation without resorting to abuse or name-calling.
5. Acknowledge and Respond: Actively listen to each other and acknowledge each other's feelings and perspectives. Validate each other's experience.
6. Develop Shared Interests: Find common recreational activities, sports, hobbies, or other shared interests to enjoy together.
7. Schedule Dedicated Time Together: Set aside daily and weekly time for just the two of you. This means putting away cell phones and other distractions. Schedule regular date nights.
8. Stay Connected Throughout the Day: Practice "touching base" with each other, even with a quick phone call or text message.
9. Express Affection Physically: Regularly express affection through physical touch, such as holding hands, hugging, and cuddling.
10. Offer Support During Difficult Times: Communicate your needs for support when facing challenges and offer support to your partner when they are struggling.
11. Practice Consistent Faithfulness: Be consistently present and supportive, avoiding emotional overreactions.
12. Practice Forgiveness: Be quick to forgive, ask for forgiveness and extend grace to each other.

By intentionally engaging in these practices, you can cultivate a deeper, more meaningful bond with your spouse and create a marriage that thrives.