What are the subtle signs of an avoidant partner?
The main sign of an Avoidant partner is the how they avoid personal sharing and emotional openness. As a result of that avoidance of sharing personal things, little or no real intimacy and bonding can happen.
Avoidant people may not realize how much their communication is avoidant as they may consciously want to have a companion. It is their heart (unconscious) that has shut down to being in a love relationship. As a result the person gives mixed messages. Yes they want to be married but no they do not want to have real bonding with their marriage partner.
What are the causes of an avoidant personality trait?
The causes of an avoidant personality are hidden just as the person is hidden. They put much energy into managing public perception. Notice how they try to correct any confrontation or revelation about them. There is lots of 'image control.' They are invested in outward appearance more than inner reality. Clearly the avoidant personality is rooted in attachment failure perhaps combined with loss of a key attachment figure.
The pattern is characterized by shame - lack of early affirmation of the right to be a person. Look back into their history and mother likely did not have close relationships with her parents. One case is being sent to a boarding school like the English upper class used to do. Missionaries also used to send their children to boarding school so the child only saw their parents at holidays.
Put more simply the mother of an avoidant person is likely an avoidant person. This means during the first year of building the bond with her infant, mother backed out of the intimate moments with her infant. She avoided, because she felt uncomfortable with intimacy with her infant and, therefore, her infant learned to avoid as well. In this way it is generational.
In addition, you may find that mother or father deserted the child in the early years creating too big a wound. They do not want to trust again because the possible pain is too much. I am sure you have met people that don't want a love relationship because the pain and grief of possible loss is too real to them.
You may notice that the Avoidant Person tends to avoid all risks, not just intimacy in love and sharing in personal relationships. They may slow to venture in other ways and withdraw into the safe shell of their home more and more.
Another subtle sign of the avoidant is how it effects the health and life of their partner. Where true communion is absent sickness and death follow. Therefore it shows up when their marriage partner withers for lack of life and love in the marriage. This lack of love sucks life, energy and health and then manifests as serious physical health problems in the avoidant’s partner.
The main sign of an Avoidant partner is the how they avoid personal sharing and emotional openness. As a result of that avoidance of sharing personal things, little or no real intimacy and bonding can happen.
Avoidant people may not realize how much their communication is avoidant as they may consciously want to have a companion. It is their heart (unconscious) that has shut down to being in a love relationship. As a result the person gives mixed messages. Yes they want to be married but no they do not want to have real bonding with their marriage partner.
What are the causes of an avoidant personality trait?
The causes of an avoidant personality are hidden just as the person is hidden. They put much energy into managing public perception. Notice how they try to correct any confrontation or revelation about them. There is lots of 'image control.' They are invested in outward appearance more than inner reality. Clearly the avoidant personality is rooted in attachment failure perhaps combined with loss of a key attachment figure.
The pattern is characterized by shame - lack of early affirmation of the right to be a person. Look back into their history and mother likely did not have close relationships with her parents. One case is being sent to a boarding school like the English upper class used to do. Missionaries also used to send their children to boarding school so the child only saw their parents at holidays.
Put more simply the mother of an avoidant person is likely an avoidant person. This means during the first year of building the bond with her infant, mother backed out of the intimate moments with her infant. She avoided, because she felt uncomfortable with intimacy with her infant and, therefore, her infant learned to avoid as well. In this way it is generational.
In addition, you may find that mother or father deserted the child in the early years creating too big a wound. They do not want to trust again because the possible pain is too much. I am sure you have met people that don't want a love relationship because the pain and grief of possible loss is too real to them.
You may notice that the Avoidant Person tends to avoid all risks, not just intimacy in love and sharing in personal relationships. They may slow to venture in other ways and withdraw into the safe shell of their home more and more.
Another subtle sign of the avoidant is how it effects the health and life of their partner. Where true communion is absent sickness and death follow. Therefore it shows up when their marriage partner withers for lack of life and love in the marriage. This lack of love sucks life, energy and health and then manifests as serious physical health problems in the avoidant’s partner.